Literary Orphans

A Fantasy for an Idle Mind by Wayne Scheer

What if I wrote a poem so wonderful

an editor for the New Yorker,

who just happened to be perusing the Internet,

jumped out from under his toupee,

hopped around the room like a 5 year-old

on a sugar high,

called to his assistant

and shouted, “Get me in touch with Wayne Scheer!”

 

What if I happened to answer the telephone

and not let it go to voice mail

as I usually do

because editors rarely call me

and salespeople for security alarm systems

who just happen to be in my neighborhood

often do.

 

What if this editor wants to pay me

quadruple my monthly

Social Security check for my poem

and asks me to send him more

so he can make my work a regular feature,

offering the kind of money

that would pay off our car

and allow us to replace our roof?

 

No doubt I’d unload hundred of poems on him

and knock off hundreds more.

And what if the Pulitzer people are so impressed

they offer me a prize,

and the Nobel folk offer me a trip to Stockholm?

 

I’d have to buy a new suit, new shoes.

Thoreau warned us to beware of any enterprise

that requires a change of clothes

and not a change of character,

but what if my character isn’t strong enough?

What if I buy two new suits, new shoes,

even new sneakers,

and I travel the world pontificating on poetic principles?

 

What then?  What if all that travel means

I don’t have time at night to sit with my wife

and watch television or weed the garden

or play computer chess or walk in the woods?

What then?

 

Thoreau refused a gift of a welcome mat

for his cabin in the woods

because he feared if people wiped their feet

before entering his home,

he’d be obliged to sweep the floor

and that would take time away from more important things

like reading and tending to his beans.

Better to stop evil before it starts, he concluded.

 

So, if this poem knocks the socks off an editor

I’ll….

take the money and run.

The hell with Thoreau and his dusty cabin.

O Typekey Divider

Wayne Scheer has locked himself in a room with his computer and turtle since his retirement. (Wayne’s, not the turtle’s.) To keep from going back to work, he’s published hundreds of short stories, essays and poems, including Revealing Moments. https://issuu.com/pearnoir/docs/revealing_moments He’s been nominated for four Pushcart Prizes and a Best of the Net. Wayne lives in Atlanta with his wife and can be contacted at wvscheer@aol.com.

 

DSC00089wayne

O Typekey Divider

Art by So-Ghislaine

Sports Shoes | NIKE