joan

i learned about joan of arc later than i should have
she of remarkable youth and tenacity
guided by faith and madness

joan’s would make such a great autobiography
to tattoo upon my dominant hand
if i still shaved my head
and fucked with the world
if i were still 24

what was she like
before the fire
the girl on the horse
i wonder if i would think her insane
or just another human trying to make it through

i wonder what my father knows about joan
i wonder what kinds of things go through his head
as his life, measured in calendar days and timed doses
falls through the narrow net
filling the bottom until there’s nothing left on top

he raised three daughters
i feel like he should have been the one to tell me about joan
it would have helped

to empower my girlhood
and lend shape to a shifting life
instead, i always waited for the other boot to drop
waited for the coast to clear
and then searched for the straps in the rubble

my father will die soon
diagnosis means i don’t need a vision
i wonder if joan had to be told or if she already knew?

and i wonder how she felt
when the fire was lit
did that tenacity stay with her?
and when the last of the coals were raked
did she know she was gone?

Author Biography

x. joloronde is a west coast girl living and writing in boston.

El Paso Valentine

earlier i spent the day hiking
alone in the mountains
a woman and the wilderness
i felt empowered and brave
i opened my arms
and let in the world
later he telephoned

and reneged on the life we built
in favor of no discussion
and really bad timing
and my bravery crumpled to the floor
and when the shadows finally covered the room
i knew that i could stay there forever
so i got up
and i put on a very short skirt
and very high heels
and very red lips
and as i walked out the door
i realized that on any border
bravery is in the eye of the beholder

Author Biography

x. joloronde is a west coast girl living and writing in new england.