Paris: The City of Lights; Amsterdam: The City of Red Lights

I’ve been thrown out of better countries
let me tell you – and you know what they
say about the French? It’s pretty true.

I mean this guy nearly had an aneurysm all
because when I was buying my ticket for
the Eiffel Tower (they sell them by levels,

you know, how high up you want to go, etc.)
I say: “All zee way to zee top!” And for
emphasis I open my eyes wide and strike

an Emile Zola kind of pose. Fucker threw me
out. But I digress. Now Amsterdam – there’s
my city, and a city just made for people like

me: crude, sexually er, curious, shall we say,
liberal, free-thinking. Hey, I’m okay with two
women want to get it on together – so long

as they allow a buncha guys to watch, that is.
They have everything there and they flaunt it.
Recollect a fine young woman, called herself

Monique (in quotes). My GOD, she murdered
me without half trying. And that was before
I even set foot in her room! I’m walking by, see,

with a goodly lump of nice hashish in foil in my
right-hand pocket, minding my own affairs,
checking out the sights if you catch my

drift, and there she was! Sitting in her window
on this high-backed bar stool kinda thing backwards!
and munching on peanut M&Ms with a bored pout

that almost made me cry. She takes one look
at my face all lit up like a pinball machine and
knows she’s made her bundle for the night.

So, we negotiate a price, set the timer, the
whole routine and while she’s getting ready
she’s asking me where in America am I from,

do I like baseball, etc. etc. and then she goes:
“Who are you weeth?” Who am I with? And
a little confused I say Baby, I’m with you!

“No, no,” she laughs – beautiful laugh – “Who are
you traveling weeth?” Oh, that – I’m here solo:
museums, hash, pot, museums, that’s about it.

“Isn’t that a leetle boring?” She makes that
pout again. And steps out of her scuffed red
pumps. And I say: “Oh, no, not anymore.”

Author Biography

Stephen Caratzas is a writer, musician, and visual artist living in Hastings-on-Hudson, New York.