On the themes of Envy, Epitaph, Life Cycle
Mister Bunny Buys a Tractor
And becomes the envy of the town!
Some say he brought upon himself
The wrath of the poor and rich alike
By affording and for-real purchasing
A GIANT RED MOTHERFUCKING TRACTOR!!1!
—What does that wabbit need with a twactoh?
—I heard he thinks he’s a farmer now
—I heard he planted all ten acres in carrots
—How many carrots can he eat before they rot?
—I hewd he wikes wadishes. And wettuces.
Mr. Bunny rides high in that seat, steering
with the help of an actual human farmer
Wearing that John Deere hat like some kind
of goddamn hipster, I tell you what
Bunny’s no dummy, he’s got a business plan
He keeps it close to his chest
Banks might not understand his moral objections
to soy and sweet corn
But they have a nose for a good story
AND A CARROT-FARMING BUNNY CAN’T BE BEAT
Baby carrots are really just grownup carrots peeled down
so much that they throw away like half
Baby rabbits are really just grownup rabbits that just got born
BABY TRACTORS are not a thing
Hold onto your money, Mr. Bunny.
Put it in a giant safe
and when the bad guys come
you can drop it on their heads
Mr Bunny Dies
Everyone does, don’t be sad!
Some gravestone ideas:
1.
Here lies Mr. Bunny
a friend to all who met him
and though he’s two feet underground
we never shall forget him
2.
Mr. Bunny
Brother, Husband, Friend, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father, Father
3.
Ring Bell for Service
4.
All Death is expected, and not—
All Death is sudden, and slow—
Under your feet, Mr. Bunny rots—
It’s not like you didn’t know
5.
They told me to prepare to meet my maker
I told them I’d make my meat preparer
They said how on earth will you recognize him?
I said who else wears a suit like an undertaker?
6.
That’s all, folks
What Easter Is Like for Other Rabbits
Mr. Bunny is not an Easter Bunny.
His busy springtime work routine
has nothing to do with Christ.
Still. Easter triggers a lot of deep, pent-up
feelings for Mr. Bunny.
More than you’d think
for an animate ball of lint.
He has an irrational fear of having his ears bitten off.
—Mr. Bunny, you are not made of chocolate.
—I knows it. But I like my ears.
—Mr. Bunny, you have absolutely nothing to fear.
—I knows it. But, it’s my birthday on Easter.
And just like you I’m afraid of getting old
and having somebody put me in a box
and put the box in a basket full of plastic
grass and seed the plastic grass with jellybeans
and say, “Happy Easter! Dust to Dust!”
I mean, think how Jesus feels. Jesus.
—Well, I guess you have a point, Mr. Bunny, about
death and rebirth and renewal and stuff
all happening and fraught with great meaning
all on your birthday.
—See what I mean? If Easter was your birthday,
you might be afraid of having your ears
bitten off, too.
Actuarial Tables for Stuffed Rabbits
Common causes of death of not-yet-owned stuffed rabbits:
Fire in overseas factory
Mishap on slow boat from China
Somali pirates
Other
Truck hijacking
Correct delivery to Walgreens
Correct delivery to toy store
Raffle
Stuffed rabbits owned by children:
Fire
Toilet
Little sister
Dog
Washing machine
Adventure or misadventure
Stuffed rabbits owned by adults:
Marriage (of owner)
Death (of owner)
Lost luggage
Laundromat
Burglaries
Tweakers
Other
Author Biography
Tarin Towers’s work has appeared in various publications, including Eleven Eleven, A Gathering of the Tribes, Exquisite Corpse, The Fray, and American Poetry: The Next Generation (CMU Press), as well as the Pushcart Prize Volume XXIII. Her first book is called Sorry, We’re Close (Manic D Press), and she has also published four chapbooks. You can find more at tarintowers.tumblr.com and @tarintowers on Twitter.