Chloe Caldwell on the theme of Red Shoes.
DRG's Red Shoes for CC - Photograph - Posie Currin
Dead Red Espadrilles
When I wore red shoes I was a pill head. I loved pills. Pills put things at arms length. What was I putting at arms length? Nothing interesting. Everything interesting. Depends on how you look at it.
When I wore red shoes I had red eyes.
When I wore red shoes I drove a red car. A Jetta. Stick shift.
When I wore red shoes I wore a bright red coat and kept my pills in its pocket. It was puffy and short and it was from The Gap Outlet.
When I wore red shoes they were closed toe espadrilles with an ankle strap and I got them for twenty dollars or so from T.J. Maxx.
Sometimes I parked the red Jetta and slammed the door, wearing my red coat with red lips and glossy red eyes and red toenails and red shoes. I’m an Aries. I like red. When I wore red shoes I wore red lipstick and probably looked like Courtney Love.
When I wore red shoes something was missing in my red heart so I swallowed orange and white and blue pills.
When I wore red shoes I moved to New York City. When I wore red shoes I moved to Brooklyn and I hung up a plastic shoe holder and my brother made fun of it. The apartment was all shoes and books.
When I wore red shoes and moved to New York City my boyfriend and I broke up over the phone as I was walking to K-Mart at Astor Place to buy a towel. I called my boyfriend an alcoholic and he called me a pill popper and we were both right.
When I wore red shoes I also wore a zip up Paul Frank sweatshirt. It was navy blue with red hearts all over it. I lived in this uniform for the month of June: Red espadrilles. Black leggings that stopped midcalf with lace. A short jean mini-skirt over them. Hanes white v-neck t-shirt. Heart sweatshirt. Girls used to stop me on the street and ask where I got that red heart sweatshirt.
When I wore red shoes I had a red dress that was too big for me on top and I safety pinned the straps together.
When I wore red shoes I listened to the song, “Red” by Okkervil River: Red is my favorite color, red like your mother’s eyes after a while of crying about how you don’t love her.
When I wore red shoes I met a guy with burgundy hair and I took the gray line to his apartment and sat on his bed with the blue sheets in my red dress with the safety pin and red shoes with the ankle strap and snorted brown drugs.
Where do these things go. These things that mean so much to us. That sweatshirt. (It shrunk too small.) That person. (He hung himself.) Those shoes. (They fell apart.) That summer. (It ended.) They all died.
Author Biography
Chloe Caldwell is a non-fiction writer from upstate New York. She drinks coffee all day out of a “Write Like A Motherfucker” mug. She has been published in The Rumpus, Mr. Beller’s Neighborhood and The Sun Magazine. Her first book is forthcoming from Future Tense Books. (www.chloecaldwell.com)
Artist Biography
Posie Currin is a Portland based artist. Her work was featured in the June 2011 issue of Unshod Quills. (posiecurrin.com)
Very NY. I’m a sucker for repetitions well executed as in this piece. And: where do I buy a mug like that…?